My Turn on the Couch

This week has been ridiculously stressful. Looking back on it, I can't pinpoint what exactly made it that way; all I know is that I was on the verge of tears for a good portion of it. Most of it has to do with school and my internship. I'm supposed to order graduation announcements and my cap and gown (Andee is encouraging me to, anyway) but I'm terrified that I will jinx myself and will end up with another NAU debacle on my hands and I definitely can't go through that again. That explains, in good part, my paralyzing fear of finishing my professional paper because while at NAU I became convinced that I am an idiot who can't write and despite large amounts of evidence to the contrary, that fear always sits in the back of my mind. Then there is the client situation. Today I reached a milestone: I hit my 400th client hour. That means I only have 100 more client hours to get before I graduate, but when I calculate it all out in my mind, I wonder if I'm going to accumulate 100 hours in just two months. It seems like a reasonable feat, except when you consider that clients often cancel, re-schedule, or no-show and I can't do much about it. So then there is the constant internal struggle that I go through daily. A part of me really wants my clients to show up so that I can get my client hours, but there is another part of me that hopes for cancellations, because then I will get a reprieve. I got 21 client hours this week, which is record-breaking for me and totally awesome, but I am also completely exhausted. Seeing clients tends to be very tiring and then there is the fact that I have casenotes, assessments, and consultations to do for every session. I guess I've just been feeling overwhelmed and tired, which is why I'm taking this time to be "on the couch" myself tonight.